Sentimental Entropy

from by Watabou

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about

Forward movement is not linear. There are countless forces that will obstruct any given path, and the path forward itself is often not very well defined. We rely on a basic desire for continuation, and that desire is either drawn from the intrinsic strive for survival or from past experiences that have helped us define and create ourselves. It is necessary to reference the past in order to determine what we desire out of the future. This reflection has the potential to drive us to work toward our own fulfillment, though can just as easily drive us back toward comfortability. We hold so many memories tied to strong feelings from past experiences, and it is easy to get lost in a flurry of sentiment. Though ultimately decisions made that hold past emotion in a higher regard than future wellbeing will result in stagnation and are an ineffective approach to resolving existing problems. Your past is meaningful and important in the context of growth, but the future holds the potential to be even more impactful.

lyrics

Rotating forward, jaded motions taking over
Falling hard and accruing cynical stimulation from impact
Escaping when I can escape from chaos that permeates
Spending that time by monitoring my own heartbeat in my messy bed

Anxious about existence with nauseating thoughts about myself
In definition and practice of what it means to be alive
Using scarce resources to ruminate upon reasons why
Time spent fending for my life isn’t considered a waste of time

Parasitic workhorse thoroughly poisoning myself
To retain abhorrence and dissatisfaction with my current situation
Insofar as I hope to reproach and pass my faults and failures
Insofar as I hope to cut through my well established material fixations

And I know it feels hopeless when it isn’t necessarily so
Back and forth mechanical movements barring standard cognitive flow
In the context of exhaustion, I only ever feel something
Once in a while and I clench with deathly grips to keep it close

The past few years I’ve been working to overcome and to proceed
Getting lost inside myself and inside my mortality
Lately I’ve been looking back at those trying times romantically
What a frustrating result that I really don’t need
(I really don’t need)

I never would have thought I would feel this way about leaving
It’s true all my friends are here but I know that they understand
All the promises of resolution I gave to myself
And now I look longingly at that place again
That fucking place again

All my attempts to bar my feelings
Result in repressed desire
And when those feelings are for something deadly
They have to be denied

But it isn’t just that easy
If it was this wouldn’t cause so much pain
Every day I fixate on
Finding new relief

The embarrassment is nothing
I’m not hurt by misdirected hate
Just lacking of constructing
And helping create

A better world then what we’ve got
It’s something that we all can do
We’ve got our minds and those suffice
So I’ve gotta just get through and

Reject Excessive chaos
Then accept

Things will never be perfect, but that’s so beautiful
Much more so
Than indulging this comfortability
But as we can see that’s not my forte
Which indeed complicates
Getting through that miasmic state
Without losing faith

Finally I’m free
From all the uncertainty
That I indulged unknowingly

So why the hell
Am I look back to that
There’s so much forward movement still to go
Until I really know

Because this chaos might cause tragedy but that’s still no excuse for never living at all
Pacified existence to avoid your obligations to at the very least yourself
That being maintenance of the world that you have the luxury of calling home
Even if you feel hate you’re fueling it with its surface and air and in that way you’re never truly alone

Even though those times were bleak
I hope you know what they meant to me
When I was destroyed and could hardly speak
I hope you know what that meant to me
The tragedies that run so deep
I hope you know what they meant to me
Their chaos eventually peaks
I hope you know what that means to me

(x3)

Even though those times were bleak and hopeless
I hope you know what they meant to me
When I felt tired and empty and absolutely destroyed to the point where could hardly speak
I hope you know what that meant to me
The tragedies that course through my fucking veins and that run so goddamn deep
I hope you know what they meant to me
Their chaos eventually peaks and subsides and gives room for you to make your move against it
I hope you know what that means to me

Because we refuse to be compromised
What a fucking time to be alive
I refuse to be compromised
What a time to be alive
What a time to be alive
What a time to be alive

credits

from Coaxial Chaos, released March 1, 2019
Matthew Morden - Noise
Molly Mascow, Sean Ruona, Jonah Rusling - Group vocals

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Watabou Ann Arbor, Michigan

Watabou is the amalgamation of extensive electronic programming, punishing physical externalization, subconscious realization, and constructive manipulation of myself and my art. It is the peak of my artistic externalization and I hope you understand and enjoy it for what it is. ... more

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